RD Recognizing Defenses: How To See And Value Defensive Patterns

Defenses provide a superficial framework of identity about who we think we are. Most of us do not separate defenses from our greater creative identity, the result being that we become creatively submerged and over-identified with how others’ reactions (towards us) define us.

Defenses are constructed from reactive experiences where we have become entangled in the fears and desires of others. Defenses reinforce opposite attractions based on a desire for greater security. This locks us into the most polarized intense relationships we can find. It also increases our susceptibility to Co-Dependence. There is an irony that until we consciously step into our own Creative Nature it is the debris and history of our actions that define our personality characteristics.

Most individuals cannot see beyond their own defenses, making it impossible to see and acknowledge the creativity of others. By being our Defense, we try to make ourselves more important and relevant. Survival and success programming become defined by our defensive nature and we elevate Fears, Desires and Self Importance over Creative aspirations. Before we go further, Defenses, (like Pretenses and Imprinting), are defined by our environment and as we become conscious, we transcend this protective conditioning. Arguing for our Defense is the same as arguing for self-imposed limitations.

Each defense is completely predictable because it is based upon common perceptions of strengths and weaknesses. Using this information can help us avoid the fears, repressed desires and ways they see their selves as important. If you need to work with different defenses this information is critical to minimize their irritation with you.

If you are a Distant Defense Style individual, you use roles to protect yourself from making mistakes. You fear the judgments of others and over-identify with your role as a way of creating justifications for what you do. If you are in a group of individuals with different expectations, you feel less powerful or clear and can resist taking action. This is because the less clear the role, the more it is watered down to keep others engaged.

The challenge for a Distant Defense Style individual is to create a sense of comfort in all environments. Until you have experience in a particular environment, it is hard to be flexible and confident in how you act around others. As a result, you tend to build upon what works, which reflects the limitations of how others see and accept you.

As Dynamic individuals, we admire strength, despise weakness and will fight (when challenged) to prove ourselves. We validate our Truth intellectually by getting people to agree with our assumptions. Since defenses are partial truths, we are highly susceptible to Illusions. Sometimes, we get caught up in Intensity, because we cannot distinguish our own Truth. This is why we seek Wisdom in others and try to learn more about circumstances from them.

The biggest illusion we confront is that information is power. When we do not consider all the possibilities, we are susceptible to snap judgments that end up backfiring. Our biggest fear is that we are not loved. To resolve this, we invest in activities and intellectual support to convince others we are behind them. The primary fear, that of not being loveable, is kept at bay by demonstrating your capacity to understand and respond to problems. You frequently get caught up in trying to prove your love by doing special activities for those you love, only to discover later that they only love you for what you do, not for who you are. This makes getting others to love you difficult at best and you frequently find yourself caught between learning how to love yourself or learning how to get others to love you. Higher Alignment recommends that you combine these two by loving how your contributions can transform and uplift those you are around.

The key issue is to love yourself so you won’t experience needing the love of others. It is also useful to let go of your overly analytical, self-critical assessment processes, which naturally undermines your self-respect. By honoring your feelings and emotions, the inner love you seek will be enhanced and revealed, if you allow it.

Disarming Defense Styles are the result of denying our masculine and emphasizing our feminine. We emphasize Mystery, Chaos that invokes unexpected outcomes. Our outer softness conceals a strong interior where, if we are pushed to perform, we typically exceed people's expectations. This Defense style is initially adaptive, but eventually can be pushed too far and becomes explosive. We demonstrate strong intimacy and self respect while seeking to improve our Autonomy Skills and self esteem. To accomplish this, we need to be grounded in our physical body.

Our perceptual strengths are mostly subjective and comprised of the unification of Feelings and Emotions, producing playful Passion and intuition. The problem is when we get caught up in Projections where, when we want something to be true, we idealize ourselves or others to make it so.

The “Disnamic” category is a combination of Disarming and Dynamic. As Disnamic individuals, we define ourselves in terms of how we respond to others in an effort to make things flow more easily. This means our strategy is to counter-balance others so all possible options can be examined. We see ourselves as facilitators of activity rather than single-minded activists.

We often take opposing points of view, polarizing against the Defensive framework of our partner, just to prove that we are strong enough to do so. We do this in order to ensure that others take us into account and do not underestimate our contribution. In rare situations where we feel safe and valued, we can take the same point of view as our partner without feeling that we are losing ourselves in some way.